Things I have learned since living in the Netherlands

I really should be beginning this post with the word Dutch – but unfortunately the language isn’t one of the skills or snippets of useful (or even useless) pieces of knowledge I have acquired since arriving in Haarlem. I am now on my second attempt at an on-line Dutch course and am already a week behind.  Quite simply I lack the incentive, the impetus and the enthusiasm. Instead, I have spent the last week attacking my novel with renewed vigour after receiving a very positive critique.  Fiction has taken over – hence no witty episode on our recent trip to Budapest. Budapest was lovely – a great city, go if you can, faded grandeur, lots of history, interesting food…(picture of Masterchef style pudding coming up) but instead of extolling the virtues of travel, I have been creating additional tension between my hero and heroine. I’ve even had to put my follow-up – which I am also itching to complete – on hold. I suspect Mr T is very frustrated that when he returns home at 6 pm I am still beavering away at my keyboard instead of the kitchen. I have to remind him how lucky he is that I have a hobby that keeps the boredom at bay.

So everything is on hold. However, the student has arrived for a few days and as we set out on our bike ride yesterday it became apparent that there are a few words and phrases that are synonymous with living in the Netherlands, and I am apparently repeating them like a parrot.

1.        I should have worn a hat.

Hat hair is the norm in Holland. There’s no point striving for their catwalk look. Go hatless at your peril. The alternative is of course…

2.         I’ll never buy another coat without a hood.

In addition to ensuring you have a hood – one you can tighten with toggles is best, the longer your outer-wear the better. I once saw a woman in an ankle-length shiny mushroom coloured padded coat. She looked like a giant pupa but she was certainly warm and dry. I’ve been trying to find a something similar ever since.

3.        Don’t bother with the umbrella.

It’s totally pointless. Yes the Dutch have invented a so-called wind-resistant umbrella with a shorter/stronger canopy, but you still regularly see these mangled remains protruding from litter bins on a blustery day. The Dutch also like to think of themselves as Mary Poppins on wheels.  In my mind carrying anything whilst cycling is just an accident waiting to happen – and that includes umbrellas.  The only sensible option is to resort back to number 1 and 2.

4.        The Dutch don’t do health and safety.

Back home if your ten year old wanted to hitch a ride on your bike (and that includes sitting, or even worse, standing on the rack over the rear-wheel clutching hold of your shoulders) you’d be grabbing your car keys.  But here…no Papa needs to get the whole family somewhere quick and it's everyone on board, whichever way they can.  Helmets? What helmets?

               

5.      If the wind was against us on the way here – why is it still against us on the way back?

A common cycling term. It doesn’t matter what direction you are cycling in, you will always be heading into the wind. If you want resistance training this is the place to come.

It’s no wonder the Dutch are so fit. They eat loads of carbs, cover everything in slagroom (whipped cream), drink gallons of beer yet are still as skinny as rakes.  It has to be down to peddle power. They really can have their apple cake and eat it.

              

And this is my Hungarian dessert.....