One week in

We are now into our second week in our new home, and I’ve identified a couple of  potential problem areas.

(1) The balcony

Ed and I are not coping.  Our orientation trips onto the balcony bring on synchronised palpitations. Although blessed in the looks department Ed isn’t the brightest button in the box, but he has, I think, managed to work out that the only way I am going to let him onto our outside space right now is to suffer the indignity of wearing a fluorescent orange harness and staying on a lead.  I am perfectly aware of what I should do, which is to remain indoors and  just let him go out on his own. If he jumps, he jumps. At least I wont have to watch him go over the edge. We’re only one floor up. For a cat it’s a perfectly do-able leap, and that’s the problem. It’s inevitable he’ll give it a go. If Ed was landing on grass I’d probably be a little happier, but he’s not. We overlook the car-park. And how does he get back up?  The answer is to stay indoors while I pluck up the courage to let go of the lead. So instead we are over-compensating with play-time. Having purchased a variety of cat gizmos, a length of wool is so far proving to be his favourite toy.

 (2) What’s Upstairs

I have lived in apartments before, but I realise now I’ve always lived on the top-floor. It definitely makes for  a difference experience.  Right now, it sounds like there are a herd of elephants living on the floor above, although it's probably just over-excited children.  I don’t mind children – I’ve had two of my own – but even at a tender age if I told them to stop doing star-jumps or whatever it is they are doing at nine o’clock in the evening because it might just annoy the neighbours, they’d probably have obeyed me. Which makes me think it might well be elephants after all.

 (3) Tram-lines

The Hague definitely doesn’t seem quite so conducive to cyclists as dear old Haarlem. We’ve not encountered tram lines before. It’s not the thought of being run-over by a tram that bothers me – it’s getting my wheel stuck in the tracks and somersaulting over the handlebars. You have to make sure you cross them at just the right angle.

(4) People

I might be wrong but they just don’t seem quite so friendly here.  Despite encouraging smiles at dog walkers and other joggers as they pass, those cheery ‘morgens’ I used to get in Haarlem are noticeably absent. The check-out assistants in Albert Heijn are also made of a different metal – in Haarlem predominantly teenage and comparatively (for the Dutch anyway) chirpy,  in Den Haag, predominantly dour and middle-aged.  And, I’ve only been asked for my bonus card once. They just don’t seem to care if I am missing out on a bargain. Perhaps they are just fed up of all the foreigners, or perhaps it’s a north-south thing – after all in the UK northerners always say us southerners are an unsociable lot.  Maybe it’s the same here??

Ed looking wistfully north.....

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The Next Chapter

Welcome to Dutch for Beginners Part II, which in theory I suppose should be called Dutch for Intermediates, but as my linguistic skills are shamefully still very much at a child-like level I’ll stick with the Beginners title. It does seem a very long time since I last posted on this blog, enthusiasm for all things Dutch taking a backseat while I spent a very happy summer in the UK catching up with family and friends,  but now I am back  and ready to tackle a second bite of the Dutch apple-cake with renewed vigour.

There’s nothing like a change of scenery to provide inspiration for a burst of creativity. Within days of my return to Haarlem, our rented town-house overlooking the canal was packed up. ‘Oh no I don’t need fifty boxes,’ I told the girl from the removal company as she insisted on filling my hallway with flat-packs. ‘Half that will do, I don’t have much that stuff.’ Fortunately she ignored my protests. So much for me being the know-it-all serial house-mover.  

Using all fifty boxes plus more we made the move 60 kilometers south to Den Haag, and a rental apartment in a purpose built block in the city centre. The move itself went pretty smoothly - My main concern had been for the removal men’s safety  (or more importantly my furniture’s safety) on our narrow steep Haarlem stairs but of course these death-traps present no problems to Dutchmen  who see adversity as a challenge. It was the patio table that left them perplexed – there was even mention of sawing off the legs to make it fit through the door. Mr T had to point out that as it had come in through the house in one piece, logically, it should go back out.  In the end my suggestion that the removal boy’s fingers should be sawn off instead seemed to do the trick. He re-adjusted his grip and rolled the table out of the front door.

After just a couple of days in the south I realise they do things differently here.  I thought Haarlem was up-market but The Hague does up-market on a much grander scale.  When you walk past a sign for a shop selling hand-made shoes you know you’re dealing with a different league.  We’re in the land of the diplomat, and diplomats have wives who need that high-end retail therapy. An abundance of ‘conceptual’ art shops are sure sign of affluence; as are the numerous mani-pedi-waxing salons available for those who have nothing better to do. Apparently there are over 1000 restaurants,  bars, cafes and coffee shops in The Hague, and for once, I do mean coffee shops where you sit and drink, as opposed to the other sort, which I haven’t seen one of yet (not that I have been looking I hasten to add). 

The Hague is a big city and it's early days. I will obviously miss our home in Haarlem, although not the black carpet, to which I wish a very heartfelt  good-riddance. We have to adjust to new surroundings and apartment living, but first impressions? The sunshine obviously helps, but so far - good.

Its A Mad (Dutch) World

Anyone who reads this blog regularly will realise that I can be very ambivalent about life in the Netherlands. However, there is one thing that never ceases to amaze me, and that's how mad the Dutch are. Sometimes you just have to smile.

This Saturday we ended up in Scheveningen Harbour in Den Haag after another futile house-hunting recce.

It was Vlaggetjesdag - basically a festival to celebrate the humble herring. The arrival of the nieuwe haring season is a big thing over here, and the locals were waffling back the national dish of raw herring and cucumber pickles by the bucket load. The sea-shanty competition appeared to be in full-swing, and a whole programme of events had been planned for the wet and windy afternoon, including later on a concert by the singer Joe Cocker. Lets hope he likes his fish - if not, I'm sure his friends can help him out.

There were craft stalls, games, and lots of people in traditional costume - always a worry.  There are many regional variations on the national dress but the Scheveningen harbour version included womens headgear held in place by two large gold circular hairpins which looked like antennae. The whole thing was just too weird. After a quick sandwich sheltering from the wind we gave up and came home.

There was more weirdness on Sunday. We should have known better but we're suckers for punishment. The rain had stopped so we set off for Royal FloraHolland factory at Aalsmere and the local flower festival. Aalsmere is the world centre of the flower distribution industry, and according to Wikipedia The Royal FloraHolland auction factory is ‘by footprint’ the largest building in the world covering a massive 518,000 m2 (128 acres). 

At the factory, it all seemed very low key. Presumably as most people who live in Aalsmere work for Royal FloraHolland it’s the last place they want to visit on their day off. However, we were able to make a video of ourselves driving a forklift truck around the shop floor, and of course, there were more bizarre costumes on display.

Our next stop on the flower festival tour was Fort Kudelstaart, a UNESCO world heritage site where we caught a water taxi to Aalsmere town itself.  By this time it was getting up quite warm, so warm in fact that Henk, the boatman, decided he was too hot in his trousers and needed to change into his shorts. Most people would have nipped off to the loo to do this, but not the Dutch. I supposed I should just have been grateful he'd remembered to put his boxers on that morning.

We did a quick tour of the horticultural museum and then followed the sound of music (the Dutch don't do anything without music) to the windmill square. We decided to give the Rose Nursery and the Flower Arranging College a miss. We had seen enough (or more than enough in Henk's case). 

And so to the football.

Friends back home will be sat watching  Euro2016, listening to the expert analysis dished out at half-time by a smartly dressed Gary Lineker and co in the studio,  while we, in the Netherlands, have this lot. And a dog.

Need I say more?

Let the sun shine

Last week I succumbed to a severe case of feeling sorry for myself. A sore throat and snuffles caught from Mr T whose immunity was still down after his Viking Challenge became a debilitating illness (I just had to go back to bed),  an on-going bout of writer's block signalled the end of my career before it had even begun, and the Dutch climate was at its worse. It was so cold the heating came on.  I felt so miserable that I even turned down Mr T’s offer of going out to dinner. It would be a waste of money, I wouldn’t appreciate any of it…blah blah blah, followed by the usual this is all your fault, this wouldn’t happen if we were back in the UK.. etc etc

Basically I  lost the plot. Lack of motivation is a huge problem. There are days when I only have the cat for company.  It’s like being at home with a toddler - it can be great fun but the conversation is very  one way.  The TV show Pointless can be a highlight of my day - a couple of weeks ago I had two pointless answers in the final! It’s an opportunity to shine, I have to think, and a bit like our weekly pub quiz, the opportunity to prove I am still a capable and intelligent person (or not as the case may be in the pub quiz - this week's specialist topic Muhammad Ali. Note to self; always check  the obituaries before heading out.) 

I fear I am turning into bored housewife of Haarlem. We all like to feel valued.  Mr T goes to work, gets told he’s done a good job, gets a salary to prove it and has lots of people asking him for advice. He is making a contribution. I don’t have that. I don’t have anyone slapping me on the back when I’ve finished vacuuming my black carpet for the umpteenth time, and trust me, when the words don’t flow from the keyboard, its very easy to look at the cat hairs and the inevitable dust and think, ooh I’ll have to run the hoover over that again.

Dull Dutch days make it all seem ten times worse.

It so much easier to be positive when the sun comes out and appreciate the opportunities that ex-pat life has given me. 

Back in the UK I wouldn’t be walking ten minutes out of my front door on Saturday morning to an impromptu comic-con fest in the centre of town, to a market full of fresh, local produce before cycling out on a purpose built traffic-free path to a vast stretch of soft-sandy beach for a picnic. I wouldn’t go to a yoga class on a Monday afternoon where I could sit by a canal afterwards and enjoy a chat and a drink with friends from New Zealand, Australia and Belgium. I wouldn’t take a  morning jog (there’s no way it can be called a run - I'm not that positive!) along the banks of a canal and see cygnets, baby geese and ducklings. 

I know. I just need to get out more.

Out & About Again

If it seems like this ex-pat blog is grinding to a halt then you’d be right. Our sedate Dutch lifestyle doesn’t throw up a great deal of interesting anecdotes to write about it. Middle-age couple potter around Haarlem market on a Saturday morning before cycling to the beach is hardly going to make riveting reading.

Our lust for exploring the Dutch countryside has dissipated, our sense of adventure has become swallowed up or submerged beneath those flat green fields. Even the tulips have now disappeared – a bright, brief respite from the blandness.

We need to get back out there, I said to Mr T. I need to find inspiration and motivation. Mr T doesn't lack motivation - last week he completed a Viking Challenge with a team of his young work colleagues. I have every admiration for his enthusiasm, a 13 km run interspaced with 30 obstacles which involved lots of crawling through mud and climbing over walls. Not for the faint hearted or anyone over the age of 50. Needless to say he won't be doing it again. My own personal challenge, having gone along to watch the start and elicit promises from his colleagues that they would bring him back alive, was cycling the 10 km or so back home through the Dutch countryside into a very strong prevailing wind. 

This weekend in stark contrast, we set off in search of Dutch culture. We drove cross-country, to Paleis Het Loo on the outskirts of the town of Apeldoorn approximiately 100 km east  from Haarlem. In the east the landscape does change. We found trees, and although there was nothing that could be called a hill, the land gently undulates. At one point we were 90 m above sea-level – that’s nearly enough to bring on a bout of altitude sickness by Dutch standards.

Het Loo was originally a hunting lodge owned by Stadtholder Willem II. For those who like a little history lesson this is the William of William and Mary fame, and when this Royal couple succeeded to the British throne in 1689 they decided they needed something a little grander than a hunting lodge so they expanded the lodge and created a palace. As extensions go, its pretty impressive.

The Dutch Royal family retained Het Loo as their main residence up until the death of Queen Wihelmina in 1962. Since then it has been fully restored and is now a national museum. The main attraction for me, were the gardens, and not so much the formal garden, which is laid out in typical Dutch style with cleverly crafted box hedging and a large fountain, but the informal ‘parkland’ which is based on an English style country estate . None of it is natural of course, the lakes and streams all being man-made, but with the rhododrendrons in full-bloom it made a very welcome change from the typical Dutch landscape.

And talking of something different, after we’d finished at Het Loo, we headed for the Kroller-Muller Museum which is set in the middle of the Hoge Veluwe National Park, a privately owned area of natural wood and heathland – similar in appearance to parts of the New Forest.  As this all looked quite samey to us, and by now it had started to rain, we gave up on the idea of abandoning the car at the gates and using one of the free bikes to explore the park, and drove straight to the museum. The Kroller-Muller  is home to the second largest collection of Van Gogh’s in the world, as well as displaying work by Monet, Picasso and Mondriaan, and the usual selection of ‘modern art’.

It’s hard not to admire modern artists, not for their creativity but their ingenuity. We can all make a display out of a pile of rocks, its convincing somebody to pay thousands of euro’s for it which is the clever bit. If I stuck a couple of dinky toys on a shelf next to a milk bottle with a handful of ballbearings in the bottom of it, would anyone call it art? No? So how do they get away with it?

In the sculpture garden people had got away with even more. Mr T is wasting his time buying pipes for the oil industry. He should be ‘sculpting’ with them instead.  

One of the highlights of the show is probably the Jardin d'email by the artist Jean Dubuffet. I can't think of any words to adequately describe it and even the photographs don't do it justice. Philistine that I am I can see no connection between a large white epoxy-resin mass and an e-mail, (junk perhaps?) but what do I know.  At least it was fun and you could clamber all over it.

The Kroller-Muller's most redeeming future is its beautiful setting. Who needs art when you have nature? It was quite noticeable how many visitors were posing for photographs beside the rhododendrons rather than the exhibits.

(Incidentally this is not Mr T and I posing by the rhododrendons but an exhibit entitled 'Femme et Homme'.  If ever a piece needed a bit more work with the chisel - this is it.)

Californication

It's almost Californian, said Mr T this morning when he drew back the curtains. To be fair, the sky was undeniable blue and we probably had just had the hottest May weekend ever in the Netherlands, but I’m not convinced Haarlem could ever be compared to the west coast of America.

There are many subtle differences – the first the fact that sunshine is a rare commodity – and when it does happen, like this weekend, the Dutch go crazy. They strip off, take-off to the beach or the local park and catch those rays (and if they can add some beer and loud music into the mix then all the better). Good job it was a weekend or there could have been an awful lot of sickies…. 

On Friday, we took a picnic to the beach where I felt overdressed in my shorts. Less than ten days previously we had strolled along the same seafront wrapped up for the Artic.

We had friends to stay, I’m glad they got to see the Netherlands at its very best, but I had to keep defending my negative attitude to the local climate.

It’s not always like this, I complained, which fair enough, they understood. The last time they visited us we’d battled through Amsterdam in zero degrees and the pouring rain. This time we did the nice stuff. We visited the tulip fields, we had dinner on the beach, we hired a boat  for a lazy tour of Haarlem’s canals. I could almost get to like it here – if the forecast for the coming weekend wasn’t predicting a temperature drop of ten degrees… Another reason I know that despite the warmth and those blue skies I'm not in California. It just won't last.

To be honest at the moment the only place I really want to be is back in the UK, and this is because I need to be 'out there' promoting my (as yet) unpublished book.  At the moment I am simply dipping my toes in from afar (and talking of dipping toes in, yes we did try and I can confirm that the North Sea is VERY COLD). According to several publishers' websites, I need an ‘on-line presence’ before they will even look at my manuscript.  Well I do have an on-line presence but it has very little to do with writing novels, and as someone with zero confidence about their own ability, I’d find it very difficult to set myself up with my own ‘author website’ when I’ve done very little but have a couple of short stories published on line and come runner up in a national flash fiction competition. However, I sense it will have to be done, especially as I currently lack a ‘physical presence’ in the all important world of writer networking. Watch this space.

Meanwhile, look at the tulip fields. Beautiful.

Vindicated!

I’d almost given up on this blog, complaining to Mr T that nothing in the Netherlands inspires me to put pen to paper.  Nothing funny ever happens here, I moaned. All the ex-pats friends we met when we first arrived, bar one, have already left or are all boxed up and ready to go; we have totally failed to integrate, our efforts to learn the language are abysmal and we haven’t made any Dutch friends. Blah, blah, blah. Poor Mr T. I hold him responsible for everything; the monotonous landscape, the dull, damp, windy weather, our erratic central heating system, even Albert Heijn’s failure to stock Ribena. It is all his fault.

Funny how a few days of sunshine can change things. Spring has sprung, the tulips are out, and finally….after 18 months of regular attendance we have finally won the pub quiz! 

Suddenly it doesn’t seem such a bad place to live. We have had a string of visitors from the UK. We have strolled around Keukenhof gardens admiring the blooms in our T-shirts, we have sampled our first Dutch ice-creams of the year. We’ve got back on our bikes. I can almost feel that layer of blubber I acquired over the winter dropping off – I might even buy a new battery for the bathroom scales to test my theory out (or maybe not - ignorance is always bliss).

New friends I made to replace the old ones who left are proving a lot of fun.  I never thought I’d be a natural at flower arranging, but after a couple of glasses of wine, who knew? I am not a natural shopper, but suddenly, one pair of new pumps or two? Doesn’t seem such a bad idea.

I’ve got a diary that is full. I have to block out days to continue with novel number two whilst I dither over my dilemma of whether to accept a deal to hybrid publish, or just self-publish, or continue to wait in vain for that mega-million advance for novel number one.

Even the cat has taken on a whole new persona. He is out on the tiles all night and sleeping in the closet all day. I hardly see him.

But the high-light of the last few weeks has to be that pub quiz win. Despite the fact that the two Dutch team-mates who joined us for the night failed to answer the question which Dutch city was destroyed by a great fire in 1504 (duh, it was Haarlem…) we won by just one point.

After all those evenings of just making the numbers up, I felt vindicated.

And when I've bought too many pairs of new shoes, this is what I will do with them!